A man walked into a chemist. "Do you have anything for hiccups?" he asked the pharmacist. Without warning, the pharmacist reached over and smacked the man on the shoulder.
"Did that help?" he asked.
"I don't know,"the startled man replied. "I'll have to ask my wife. She's waiting in the car."
With her brown eyes and curly hair, our youngest daughter takes after my husband. At three, she was lively, mischievous girl and people often remarked on how cute she was.
One day I was standing with her in the supermarket when a woman commented, "What a pretty child you have!"
My smile disappeared when she asked, "Is she really yours?"
" If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to church every day, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Again the answer was, "No!"
"Well," I continued, "then how can I get to heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You've got to be dead!"
My parents, married 45 years, raised 11 children. Now they enjoy 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, my mother replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
My daughter was sharing an old house with fellow university students. With money in short supply, they lived mainly on cheap cuts of meat, supplemented by noodles and rice.
When she came home on a visit, I told her I would pack some provisions she could share with her friends.
Shocked, she replied, "Oh no, Mum, don't do that. If they know I've got access to real food, they'll send me home every weekend!"
My young cousing, David, had an appointment to see the doctor. Once he was on the examining table, the doctor asked him, "How old are you?"
"I'm four," David answered.
"And when you're going to be five?" the doctor inquired.
David replied, "When the four comes to an end."
-Elsa Nobre Duarte
My brother stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the girl at the counter. She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow.
"What's the difference?" my brother asked.
"Hello!" replied the girl, signing and rolling her eyes. "Color?"