I Like to Laugh!

Not long ago my three-year-old son, Christopher, and I were on a flight. As he passed through security, the metal button on his pants set off the alarm. 

I explained that he had to let the guard check him with the wand. 

The guard was holding his arms wide to demonstrate to Chris how he needed to stand when my affectionate son ran into them and gave the guard a big hug.

~Deanna Lowe

My handsome 17-year-old son was in the car with me when he exclaimed, "Oh, no! There she is." 

"Who?" I asked. 

"This girl in my school," he replied. "She always wants to hug and touch me. It's creepy."

"It sure is," his eight-year-old sister piped up from the back seat. "Who would want to touch you?"

~ Shelley Sawatzky

While my husband and I were busy choosing an air-conditioner to buy in the store, our six-year-old son was wandering around when he spotted a very inviting spa bed.

We overheard the saleslady say to him, "Do you know what's written there? It says 'Thank you for not sitting". 

He answered innocently, "Yes, I know. That's why I am lying down."

~Janelene Batilaran

As a diehard Maple Leafs fan, my eight-year-old son, Alex, jumped at the opportunity to meet legendary Toronto goalie Johnny Bower. 

Just before we were to head out, Alex's mother reminded him to take his wallet, since there's often a charge for autographs.

When we arrived at the event, we approached Bower. He offered his hand to Alex and said, "Hello, young fellow, give me five."

So Alex promptly hauled out his Maple Leafs wallet and took out a $5 bill. 

~ Robert Pineo

Filicia, my sleepy five-year-old niece, slipped into my bed just as my husband was heading downstairs to prepare breakfast. 

“Why do you hate eggs, Auntie?” she asked me.

“Who said I hate eggs?” I replied.

“But,” she said, “I just heard you ask Uncle Anthony to break a few eggs and beat them up for you!”  

~Michelle Ramjewan

Sitting in a packed cinema, two ladies in front of me were talking loudly, preventing me from hearing the soundtrack properly. 

Tapping one lady on the shoulder, I said, ''Excuse me, I can't hear!'' 

Her reply was, “I should think not. This is a private conversation.''

~ David Carver

Laughter is the best medicine

A man walked into a chemist. "Do you have anything for hiccups?" he asked the pharmacist. Without warning, the pharmacist reached over and smacked the man on the shoulder.

"Did that help?" he asked.

"I don't know,"the startled man replied. "I'll have to ask my wife. She's waiting in the car."

-Nancy Macmillan

With her brown eyes and curly hair, our youngest daughter takes after my husband. At three, she was lively, mischievous girl and people often remarked on how cute she was.

One day I was standing with her in the supermarket when a woman commented, "What a pretty child you have!"

My smile disappeared when she asked, "Is she really yours?"

-Gerry Kruithof

" If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to church every day, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.

"No!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Again the answer was, "No!"

"Well," I continued, "then how can I get to heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You've got to be dead!"

-Jann Cupp

My parents, married 45 years, raised 11 children. Now they enjoy 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, my mother replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

-Betty Stumpf

My daughter was sharing an old house with fellow university students. With money in short supply, they lived mainly on cheap cuts of meat, supplemented by noodles and rice.

When she came home on a visit, I told her I would pack some provisions she could share with her friends.

Shocked, she replied, "Oh no, Mum, don't do that. If they know I've got access to real food, they'll send me home every weekend!"

-Del Jarret

My young cousing, David, had an appointment to see the doctor. Once he was on the examining table, the doctor asked him, "How old are you?"

"I'm four," David answered.

"And when you're going to be five?" the doctor inquired.

David replied, "When the four comes to an end."

-Elsa Nobre Duarte

My brother stopped by a sandwich shop one afternoon and placed his order with the girl at the counter. She rattled off a list of condiments, but he stopped when she asked if he wanted white cheese or yellow.

"What's the difference?" my brother asked.

"Hello!" replied the girl, signing and rolling her eyes. "Color?"

-Mary Berg